Communication and Culture

Do I find I communicate differently with different groups or cultures?

     I never really looked at this before. I tend to watch people's body language and that is how I communicate. I look to see if there is confusion in their face stemming from what I might be saying, is their body becoming ridged or are they crossing their arms from words I am speaking? Examples such as these most often guide my discussions and words.  I have noticed I speak slower and clearer when speaking to those who may not understand English very well, not in a demeaning manner but to give processing time. Just a bit of advice speaking really slow and loud does not make someone with another language understand you better! It is amazing in this day and age how many people seem to think that works.

     I think the greatest tool we have for better communication is educating ourselves of the various cultures we work with. How do they view communication? Do I make eye contact or look away? Do I speak to the woman in a parenting team or just the man (yes-that is a real thing)? So the first strategy is to educate yourself and be flexible enough to change yourself to meet the listener's style.

     I need more practice with the Platinum Rule when speaking and listening with others. I want to be empathetic but I need to make sure I am speaking the way the person needs me to speak and not how I think they need me to speak. In other words, I should not speak as I would want but empathize how another may need to be spoken to always starting with respect.

     Be mindful. Remember there will be cultural differences, and try to keep them in your consciousness (Beebe, Beebe, & Redmond, 2011, pg.108). As long as a person is not harming a child there really is no right or wrong way to raise that child. If I think there is, then I am not being mindful of how others may see children and how they need to be cared for or raised. This is a tough one for me and one I struggle with often. Other than those rare occasions, parents love their children and do what they feel is best for them.

Resource

  Beebe, S. A., Beebe, S. J., & Redmond, M. V. (2011). Interpersonal communication: Relating to others (6th ed.). Boston, MA: Allyn & Bacon.

Communication Assumptions

I am not a big television watcher so finding an unknown show was not difficult. I do like to laugh so I picked New Girl for this activity.
     When I watched the show without any sound I felt the relationship with the characters was a positive one in which they seemed to support each other. I came to this assumption because there were many examples of characters speaking with each other with eye contact and smiles. There were many feelings expressed mainly through the facial expressions of the characters. As I stated, there was eye contact which says honesty to me. When a more sensitive discussion seemed to be going on the head of the listener would tilt just a bit to display concern. Most of the time both speakers and listeners had their arms down and not crossed. There was one point in the show in which the "coach" who works in a fitness gym was in the face of a woman screaming and she was crying. When I listened to the show with sound he was screaming, "I am trying to help you!" I never would have guessed that without the words. Most of the feeling expressed during this show was concern for the "new girl" who was having a rough time in a break up which had happened at the beginning of the show.
     I did make some assumptions through the nonverbal communication that were incorrect. At one point in the show, one of the characters was speaking to his friends and ended up pulling his sweat shirt hood over his face. I thought it meant he wasn"t listening to the conversation, but what it truly meant was when he did not want confrontation or to make a deciding choice he "hooded" the speaker so he would not have to reply. (I am not sure if that made sense the way I wrote it). Also, during the first viewing I thought a conversation between one of the male characters and the woman demonstrated his feelings for the woman, in the way he looked at her. When I listened to that same segment he was actually talking about an old girlfriend he still has feelings for and that is why his facial expressions were showing compassion.
     This was a revealing exercise for me because it showed me things may sometimes not be what I think simply by listening to the words being said BUT we need the words as well. I wonder how the exercise would go if we listened without the visual, how that would turn out? I think my "aha" moment has been developing for the last year or so. The way I perceive body language is not necessarily  how another would. I have to be very careful to "listen" to what others are saying in their whole body as well as "watch" what I am saying with mine. If someone I am talking to is not hearing my words or does not understand the English language then what am I saying to them nonverbally?

Competent Communication

     I guess the one person I can think of who gives a form of competent communication would be the priest in my church during his sermons. It works for me because he stands down by the people in the pews and looks you in the eye as he gives his message. He is animated as he moves around, passionate with the message he is giving. He has a lesson to give and he gives it without sugar coating so I grasp the importance of what he is teaching me. I am caught up in his message every time when he speaks like this. I heard that a parishioner complained because he did not speak from the pulpit which is a type of lectern that stands above the pews and to the left of our seating. Father read from the sermon he had prepared and the message was not as strong (for me) and I could tell from his ridged body language he was not comfortable speaking this way.
     I have a passion to advocate for the immigrant families and their children within my home city (maybe, one day the country) I wish to speak with the passion my priest has, to have a strong message which may not be comfortable to hear but needs to be said in a way that works for me. I do not want someone telling me I have to speak in some certain way from some certain spot dousing the fire I feel in my heart. This is what I hope to gain from this course and with practice.