"We don't say that in school!"

This example is taken from my mother about me when I was around three. We were grocery shopping in an all white neighborhood that I grew up in. There was an African American man who worked at this particular grocery store who my mother said I noticed. I then said, out loud, "Why is that man wearing a mask?" My mother said she was mortified and told me to hush and hurried past. No words of explanation were given or words spoken when we got home. I was raised during a time where we did not "see" color so it was not talked about because it was considered rude. 

     The message that was planted at this young age was it was embarrassing to be different than myself and it was not to be talked about. I was to not discuss a major feature of a person of color. We can speak of the color of a person's hair or eyes yet not their skin.

     An anti-biased response (whether an educator or my mother) would be to speak of my mistake right away. It could have been explained that the man was not wearing a mask and this was the color of his skin. His mommy and daddy had brown skin just like my mommy and daddy have white skin. There were no real anti-biased books back in those early days but books about animals and their babies would also work. A mommy horse would have a baby horse, a mommy cat a kitten and so-on.

    

We could have also made a trip to the library to look at pictures of African Americans in a positive environment, although at the time those would have been difficult to find as well. Any action would have been better than none at all.

"Start Seeing Diversity Video" Blog: Gender, Gender Identity, and Sexual Orientation

Todd Parr is my absolute favorite author with his colorful pictures which depict various ways we are all different and how it is okay. Did you know it is even okay to eat macaroni and cheese in the bathtub?! These books address many different forms of the human families and peoples. I used to teach Sunday School with a goof friend of mine who is gay and he read this story to the class but felt he had to leave out the pages which state; it's okay to have two mommies and two daddies. I find it sad that he felt he could not mention what he was actually living each day. 

I am struggling a bit in the area of approaching the area of LGBT family make ups ONLY because I was brought up with this being not okay because of what the Bible says and these teachings go back to my childhood. I also have been taught to be loving and not to judge others so I am working very hard to learn how to approach this subject and to be more inclusive to LGBT families within my classroom. If a school said I was not to approach this subject I would most likely do research on the affects this type of exclusion would have on the development of the students both of the LGBT family as well as those who had other family make-ups and not learning tolerance. Also, if a parent were to approach me with the same request I would listen to their point of view but at the same time give documented cases of how this will not affect their child in any different manner than a heterosexual teacher. I am afraid if a family is adamant about not having a LGBT teacher for their child I most likely will not change their thoughts and might suggest other programs they could explore.

I have heard co-workers make remarks about children in ways that are awful and it makes me see red. I cannot tolerate any negative statements made about children and especially to their face. If I were to hear the words such as mention in our examples I would probably loose my mind. I guess I need to work in this area as well.

I know we need to teach our boys differently when they are with us in the classroom, girls too for that matter. I have done a few papers about the different learning styles between boys and girls and it is very interesting. My inner battle with being more inclusive with the LGBT families is frustrating and embarrassing and I am not sure what to do in this case. I do have a new element added to this dilemma this year. I have a little girl with lesbian parents, one she calls mommy and the other daddy. I cannot seem to get myself to call another woman "daddy" and I do not know why. I hope I have not offended anyone, I am just trying to be honest so that I may learn and change.

Not Good-bye But See You Later

Thank you all for all you have supported me with and helped me learn. I am a better communicator and listener because of all of you. I know some of you I will see again in my next class and I am excited about that. For those who may go on in other directions, I wish you all the best. Like I said--see you later!

Saying Good-Bye

     There are three types of groups I would like to address for this blog, beginning with the online groups I have been involved with during my time obtaining my BA. After the work was done we would still be in class together but more as fellow students and not team members. We would usual end the group experience with praise for all our hard work as a team and being there as that team to get the job done. Also, once the grade was received we would try to discuss our strengths and weaknesses throughout the project. At the end of each online course I also would say good-bye and wish all my fellow students success in their upcoming classes, after all, we had all been together for eight weeks even if it was online.

Another group is my teaching team who I separate from each summer. We have a company picnic with all the staff of  county's Head Start where we eat, play games, dance, and just be lazy for the afternoon. My site's staff sit around and laugh about all the funny events of the year and things some of the kids say. Working for Head Start can be stressful and difficult so this is a great way to say good-bye until next fall.

Finally I belong to a group of women who have vowed themselves to prayer, service, and evangelism. We too, end our time together for the summer though we do not stop our prayers or service, we just do it more on our own. We end the year with a social gathering to just be together with no really worries so we may send each other off to rest and rejuvenate for the next season. It works well for us and though we still see each other in church it is not as a group.

   

Nonviloent Communication and Conflict Management

     I really have not had any disagreements lately so this is a difficult blog to write this week. I am pretty lucky in this manner. However, we are in the middle of a personal family conflict which involves my daughter, the father of her twins, and his family, it is pretty ugly. However, my daughter and I have decided to handle things in many of the ways we have learned about this week. For instance, we are taking the balcony approach as mentioned in the 3R's. By going into the balcony and looking at the story we can make rational choices and not be clouded by the anger, hurt, and betrayal this situation can bring out.  

 

     We are also striving for a productive conflict; a conflict which is managed productively (O'Hair, Wiemann, Mullin, & Teven,  2015, pg. 215). The conflict we are in is huge and will involve courts and possible legal action but we are trying very hard to make calm and rational decisions in all the steps we make. We do not want to put division between the two families any more than we have to for the babies' sakes. This tactic is working for the moment. 

 

     Finally, I am a Christian and so my faith is very important in this huge, seemingly impossible situation. I am praying throughout this whole event and trusting that God will get us through it, BUT, I must be aware of how He would want me to handle each step of this process. I also must trust my daughter's insights of what she wants for the girls and the outcome of this very complicated situation.

Reference

 O'Hair, D., Wiemann, M., Mullin, D. I., & Teven, J. (2015). Real communication (3rd. ed). New York: Bedford/St. Martin's.

Who Am I As A Communicator

     This was a fun activity this week to compare my thoughts of my communication skills to those of co-worker and family member. The comparison which most surprised me was the difference in the scores of my communication anxiety inventory. My score was a 78 while the thoughts of my two other comparisons were 42 and 41. I am a nervous wreck when I communicate while, apparently, others see me pretty together and on point. Hmmm?

     I think my biggest lesson is I am not presenting myself to others as I am feeling inside. We need to place careful consideration in what we say and how we listen because not everyone "hears" in the same way.

     The two inventories I would like to share are the listening and aggressive scales. My scores for listening were 63 (mine), 68, and 67. This did not really surprise me because I tend to be sarcastic far more often than I like. I do not mean to be but I am. I remembering as a child saying to my mother, "I say things before my brain thinks them up." This is still a running joke today. It is not something I am proud of in the least. Professionally it is not okay and I must guard my thoughts and mouth extremely closely so as not to offend or hurt people in any way. Most times I use it for humor but my funny is not another's funny. Personally, my family is used to my "mouth" but again, it can be hurtful and mean.
     The listening inventory resulted in a 35 (mine),  35, and 24. I work very hard in this area as well and try to "hear" what others are saying to me. Professionally this works well because I can "hear what families and coworkers are trying to tell me without trying to convince them of my point of view. Personally, I am available to those who may need a listening ear to just vent or receive a new insight.

     I am still a work in progress and this is a step in the right direction.